Dear Blog ,

Don't lie to yourself , no matter how ugly your situation is.
You can only grow when you accept change. As much we would like
to be in our own most comfortable room for the rest of our lives , we just
can't be.

We want our family's to stay the same , our financial situation to stay steady,
our homes clean and our thoughts stable. The ugly feeling we get when we feel we have lost everything is a sign of growth. We are learning to accept change and our new surroudings. Don't be afraid to reach out to someone and say I have lost everything. Chances are they are in the midst of a transformation too.

I try really hard to say nothing has changed , and I can't believe it anymore. My world is gone . I don't exist anymore.

It is something strange and terrifying , but you die once you find God.
You do not exist anymore. You are not living for yourself anymore.
You don't want the same things anymore. You are dead.
R.I.P
Melody McEwen
1992-2013
I need a memorial service for myself. And maybe you do to.
Death is the loss of something. Not just death of body.
But loss of identity , loss of surroundings , loss of familiarity.
You had to loose yourself to grow. So you wake up in the morning and don't recognize yourself anymore. Because you have changed , in ways you don't fully understand yet.
The one thought keeping you going is that you still have yourself , your identity.


But we don't , God has us. We were never in charge to begin with , we just learned to be arrogant , greedy and assume we could rule everything. God owns you. So when you look and the mirror and can't see yourself , it is because God is there.

So rest in peace Melody , because I am not coming back again.

My sins are forgiven , my soul is washed clean. And I have to remember humility and honesty.

 I simply doesn't exist anymore. But I still matter , and still have a chance for many smiles , but they won't come before the harsh realities , tears , and screams.

I am changed person , I am not lost. God is here somewhere trying to help.

I just want to be home. Safe. The world is on fire. How can I not scream ? I want everything they way it used to be. Its impossible. We get so confused when we want something , because a lot the time these desires don't meet up with reality. And we wonder what is wrong with ourselves , why can't we want anything that has a possibility to exist. At the core of everyone we are irrational , scared , loving , bright creatures that want to be free. We we what everything we can take and every happiness we can imagine.
Our souls weren't made for earth , too much pain and agony . We were really made for heaven. The world is full of too much pain to be happy all the time. But embrace the transformation , be honest with yourself and you can find balance between the darkest day and the brightest night. And say , God save me ! Because we really can't help ourselves without God first. Sincerely, Lost Soul